FROM AUTHORS:
thirteenth part of the "TragiFarsy socNIErealistycznej" came quite unexpectedly. I wrote it shortly after finding that the grotesque and satirical dramatic series about Zdzisławie Baumfeldzie and other officers of the PSB should be completed in the twelfth volume. What was the reason for the creation of the Thirteenth? The fact that still have not used all the literary ideas that have evolved in my mind in connection with the creation of the cycle. As recently "went through my head" scene in which Zdzislaw Baumfeld is fired by his boss, Colonel Waldeberta Werfelberga, it decided to put into words and publish.
"tragicomedy 13" is definitely shorter than the rest of the series, because it contains only this one, very brief scene for the removal of ubecji Baumfelda. The song is not so much a drama as a form of theater, or a short sketch. It is worth remembering that the "tragicomedy 5th Special section on "There's a many as 71 KB," tragicomedy + 60 "- 58 KB," tragicomedy 8th New Era "- 54 KB and the" tragicomedy 6th Total failure "- 53 KB (data from the site Opowiadania.pl). If TragiFarsy were made by film, we could say that the earlier part of the series were pełnometrażowymi movies, and this - short film. Króciuteńką "tragicomedy 13" I can comment on the adage: "Better than nothing." List of all
tragicomedy "socNIErealistyczna tragicomedy", "tragicomedy 59 years later", "tragicomedy third Scandal of the Century "," tragicomedy + 60 years "," tragicomedy 5th Special Episode, "" tragicomedy 6th Total failure, "" 7th tragicomedy Conspiracy Theory, "" tragicomedy 8. New Era, "" tragicomedy 9th Year 2009 "," tragicomedy 10th Part of Jubilee "," tragicomedy 11th The strike close "," tragicomedy 12th Cuckoo nest "," tragicomedy 13th Short form of theater. "
Yours! Julia Nowak Natalia
MUSICAL MOTTO:
"And even if he fell on his knees, and even if you begged
,
This is not working for me.
Goodbye, your loss.
Take all your belongings,
Nothing here for you.
Your time has passed since
Today I am your enemy, you
my enemy "
Cerekwicka Barry," On your knees "
The time is 12 April 1952 year (two weeks before the events described in the" TragiFarsie 5th Special Section ")
The setting: building the county's Public Security Młodzianowicach, office Mroczysławy Col.-Wójcik Kalinowska
People: Zdzislaw Baumfeld (31 years), Mroczysława Kalinowska-Wojcik (44 years), Waldebert Werfelberg (49 years)
44-year-old lieutenant colonel Mroczysława Kalinowska-Wojcik, Deputy Director The District Public Security Bureau in Młodzianowicach, sits at his desk in his study and feels strongly zdenerwowanej. It stands opposite the 31-year-old law enforcement officer, Lieutenant. Zdzislaw Baumfeld, plaintive face who does łajanego boy style. Both are wearing uniforms appropriate to the rank held. The room (on the wall and desk) are elements that expose a specific belief Mroczysławy: pictures of Joseph Stalin, Boleslaw Bierut, Jakub Berman, Joseph Rozanski, Anatol Feygin and Juliet Brystiger-framed hearts. Cabinet also includes equipment specific to women: the richly decorated mirror, standing, porcelain doll in traditional costume and decorations like flowers and butterflies.
MROCZYSŁAWA Kalinowska-WOJCIK (with superiority, mentoring tone):
... so I think Comrade Baumfeld that your yesterday's incident was inadmissible. Who are you, Citizen podporuczniku? Who was authorized to take life to other people? How can you claim the right to decide who is going to die, and who remain among the living? Only Colonel Werfelberg can decide what happens to the detainees by us human. Do you decide who leaves this world, who will remain in prison, and who returns to the family home. From making such decisions is the Director PUBP and - in exceptional circumstances - I tudziez Rzędzimir Wszebor Witkowski. If you ask Comrade Colonel, can you kill Syzyniusza Podgorski, certainly otrzymalibyście consent. As you will recall, three years ago Waldebert Werfelberg gave you a free hand on the man named Vespasian Pussy. There may, however, so that they choose "the end" for those they questioned. Your powers do not reach that far, podporuczniku Baumfeld!
ZDZISŁAW BAUMFELD (clearly confused, yet impatiently):
Podpułkowniku Kalinowska-Wojcik, what can you say? You already explained that I did not want to kill Podgorski! It was an accident, accident at work! I just wanted to scare him, tease him in a perfidious way ... amused me that he is so helpless and frustrated when they can not breathe ... And when I noticed that after my game is something wrong, I even tried to rescue him!
MROCZYSŁAWA Kalinowska-WOJCIK (mockingly):
"I did not want to kill Podgorski" ... explain to you comrade, like a little boy who accidentally broke the vase granny. I understand that not planowaliście kill the prisoner, but surely you were aware that torture by smothering may be over fatal victims. Yes, it was a prisoner on Death to intended, but how do we explain to people his death before the trial in the Military District Court? Młodzianowiczanie slowly begin to orient that here, at the District Office of Public Safety something strange happens. Whose fault is it? Głupiutkich przystojniaczków such as you, Citizen podporuczniku!
Zdzislaw doing very indignant face.
ZDZISŁAW BAUMFELD (warning, forgetting that the talks with Deputy Director): Just do not
"głupiutkich przystojniaczków! Equally, I could call you "silly little cutie!
MROCZYSŁAWA Kalinowska-WOJCIK (lifting up his eyebrows):
"silly little cutie" ... Please, please ... I can see that You are very aggressively today, Comrade Baumfeld ...
ZDZISŁAW BAUMFELD (anachronistic use of the words from the song "Rain Man" by Eminem):
"You think me offensive? This I believe to be harassing you! "
Suddenly, a bold, vigorous knock at the door and enter the room Waldebert Werfelberg (which, like the other characters, wearing an officer's uniform.) Mroczysława rising from a chair to show respect to your supervisor.
WALDEBERT WERFELBERG:
Mroczysławo Comrade, I went to you to show you a telegram from Warsaw, but - coming to the door - I heard some sharp exchanges. What's going on here, citizen? (Glancing at Baumfelda) Comrade Zdzislaw przeskrobał something again?
MROCZYSŁAWA Kalinowska-WOJCIK (heat, accusingly):
Yes, Colonel Werfelberg! Citizen Zdzislaw Baumfeld proved once again that it is irresponsible actinomycetes, and in addition damn niesubordynowanym employee!
ZDZISŁAW BAUMFELD (under his breath):
Oh, Stalin ... What a hate speech!
MROCZYSŁAWA Kalinowska-WOJCIK (to Werfelberga not heard Zdzislaw):
Imagine that last night, when interrogacji Syzyniusza Podgorski, led the prisoner to death, although it has long since decided that he will be killed by a final appeal WSR! Indeed, it is difficult for larger eukaryote! Of course, I'm talking about Baumfeldzie, not Podgorski ... How are we going to go out to people and say that Syzyniusz can not participate in the hearing, he is dead? How can we explain his death? After all, they are not młodzianowiczanie włosogłówkami!
WALDEBERT WERFELBERG:
Heh, we can organize the ghost. The judge will pretend to believe the living man, who for some reason unable to be present in the building of the District Military Court. And then the verdict of death, and nobody will be surprised that you do not see Syzyniusza Podgorski. None of młodzianowiczan not realize that Podgorski already died, the hands of the lieutenant Baumfelda. This will be the realistic presentation of: the process of spirit which considers the people ignorant person alive, although absent ...
MROCZYSŁAWA Kalinowska-WOJCIK (with sincere appreciation):
Great idea, Colonel Werfelberg! You have a talent for going out of trouble! But they do not change the fact that ... (anachronistic quotes part of the song "The Gatekeeper" by Within Temptation) "You can not kill what already has been killed!"
WALDEBERT WERFELBERG:
As for the real death Podgorski, it would not do it until the affair. Ultimately, nothing big has happened. Syzyniusz not have to do anything we needed, so his death is not the slightest importance. I think podpułkowniku Kalinowska-Wojcik, that lament the death of the prisoner is a storm in a teacup.
ZDZISŁAW BAUMFELD (delighted, relieved, interrupting Waldebertowi):
Comrade Colonel! Which one of you wise and understanding man!
WALDEBERT WERFELBERG (disregarding the words of Zdzislaw, continues the interrupted speech):
As for Baumfelda, it's actually worth to think about taking any disciplinary action against him. I also noticed that the last fellow Zdzislaw behaves in an inappropriate manner, a variety of slip occur to him to be extremely common. Sometimes I get the impression that a citizen Baumfeld Safety Authority is trying to destroy from within.
Zdzislaw doing now indignant face.
ZDZISŁAW BAUMFELD (screaming):
That's not true!
WALDEBERT WERFELBERG (calmly, coldly):
But that makes an impression, comrade. Not only that, making it difficult to work PUBP, it's still compromise the image of this institution and demoralizes other officers. I'm afraid that I'm forced to once and for all stop this tragicomedy.
ZDZISŁAW BAUMFELD (slightly scared):
What do you mean, Colonel Werfelberg?
MROCZYSŁAWA Kalinowska-WOJCIK (pointed to by Zdzislaw):
not pretend even more foolish than you, citizen! Well you know that fellow director says wywaleniu you from work! For years, I repeat that in UB there is no place for such prazynofitów as you, but Colonel Werfelberg, as a man of extremely gracious and merciful, always gave you a chance to improve! Now it's time to end this indulgent treat! Zdzisławie Comrade, you must suffer deserved punishment because zhańbiliście młodzianowicką ubecję!
ZDZISŁAW BAUMFELD (in a fit of anger, using a quote from the song "Kalina Malina"):
"I am not disgraced - dishonor itself!"
Both Werfelberg and Kalinowska-Wojcik eyes staring in shock and zbulwersowania. Mroczysława, which I usually have trouble controlling their emotions, comes out from behind his desk, walks up to Baumfelda and starts to pummel, challenging the worst and swearing like a trooper. Zdzislaw which - As a man - is from her larger and more powerful, easily overpowered her a forward. Although you can no longer Colonel inflict physical harm Baumfeldowi still threw it nieprzystojnymi epithets.
WALDEBERT WERFELBERG (despot, angrily):
Podporuczniku Baumfeld, leave companion Kalinowska-Wojcik, because soon I will wkiełbolę! And remember that I am considered to be one of the cruelest UB-eków not only in our area, but throughout the People's Poland! Learn from a reliable source as I did during the Second World War and later during two years of secret police in Warsaw! Cut off the fingers of his childhood friend, because konszachtował of the National Armed Forces! For the same reason eighteen raped the girl and her eyes pierced with nails!
MROCZYSŁAWA Kalinowska-WOJCIK:
Fact! And three years ago, Colonel Werfelberg drowned in a barrel of their own child because it was born with mongolism!
WALDEBERT WERFELBERG (embarrassed cedzi by to):
hold your peace, Comrade! It's classified information!
MROCZYSŁAWA Kalinowska-WOJCIK (sunny, the director of the county's Public Security Młodzianowicach):
But there is nothing to be ashamed! I wyabortowałam three of their children and somehow I'm alive! I liked to look at the torn out, bloodied, still moving limbs brats and their miniature guts protruding from torn bellies! Maria Lolita Baumfelda lover, once abhorred abortion, but then I realized that every woman has the right to be carried away by such views! Reasonable wench, there is nothing!
WALDEBERT WERFELBERG (losing patience, and 31-year-old second lieutenant):
Zdzisławie Comrade, if not puścicie my deputy, it will end up like her unborn child! I swear that I will not feel sorry for you because you are actually superfluous in the Office of Security! I used you as a competent and efficient officer, but now I know that you are normal ... normal ... normal ziarenkowcem!
Zdzislaw Baumfeld Mroczysławę wilderness, but it is still looking angry and hate the other heroes of the scene.
ZDZISŁAW BAUMFELD (the director and wicedyrektorki):
If you do not want to see me again in PUBP and you think I ziarenkowca, it is very please: I go to work! For tomorrow I will give you the bloody uniform and all equipment business!
WALDEBERT WERFELBERG:
You have no where to go, because you have been released already! (Pointing his finger at the door) Get out of here, comrade, or know me from that party, from which I'd rather not know! Let me you never saw!
ZDZISŁAW BAUMFELD (catching words Werfelberga):
"May you never saw" - it is a death wish!
WALDEBERT WERFELBERG:
may be, and death wish. Get out, Comrade Baumfeld!
ZDZISŁAW BAUMFELD (maliciously):
Finally, I will say that Mroczysława Kalinowska-Wojcik is widely considered to be an emotionally unbalanced and insane. Reportedly heard how her husband confided to the fact that was abducted by creatures from another planet. She also begins to notice the guy that married a lunatic, because more often to be found in the company of Liliozy, daughter of Aldhelm Szmulewicz party activist.
MROCZYSŁAWA Kalinowska-WOJCIK (resentful, distrusting his former subordinate):
Ah, podporuczniku Baumfeld! Again, the bitterness!
ZDZISŁAW BAUMFELD (anachronistically in the words of the song "Rain Man" by Eminem):
"You think me offensive? This I believe to be harassing you! Kuźwa, the same line, until I used it ... "
Waldebert Werfelberg doing a very severe face and squints his eyes dangerously.
WALDEBERT WERFELBERG (emphatically, to Zdzislaw Baumfelda, indicating finger at the door):
Won!
31-year-old lieutenant comes out of the room, slamming the door so hard that the porcelain doll in traditional costume falls to the floor and crashing down. Colonel Werfelberg runs to the door, opens it and yells to the retreating Baumfelda.
WALDEBERT WERFELBERG (to the invisible already Zdzislaw):
money for the doll or to give you, citizen!
ZDZISŁAW BAUMFELD (from afar):
money for a doll? Or maybe watruszki for this?
WALDEBERT WERFELBERG:
with cheese and raisins!
ZDZISŁAW BAUMFELD (from afar):
A bout: kvass!
WALDEBERT WERFELBERG (madly, hatefully): May you be
zakrztusili him, Comrade Baumfeld!
head vigorously młodzianowickiego PUBP closes the door, and Mroczysława can sit back in his chair. For a long time in the room is quiet. Waldebert suddenly remembers broken, porcelain doll, which still lies on the floor.
WALDEBERT WERFELBERG (weird voice):
Mroczysławo comrade? ...
Kalinowska-Wojcik, taken out of his reverie, looks at Waldeberta, but says nothing.
WALDEBERT WERFELBERG (anachronistically to paraphrase the famous statement Moira Kelly):
"Eeee ... It's good that you listen to me ... Who is responsible for this, how can you look at the UB?"
MROCZYSŁAWA Kalinowska-WOJCIK (thoughtfully) :
Hmmm ... I thought, comrade, that you are responsible for everything ...
WALDEBERT WERFELBERG (annoyed anachronistic to paraphrase the words of the same journalist):
"Do not get mad me well? For a few minutes so ukiełbolona floor here that just because I ordered Baumfeldowi immediately be, he does not manage to talk to other officers and do not sensationalism. Someone went ass, just, and it wysprzątał "
MROCZYSŁAWA Kalinowska-WOJCIK (astonished):
who supposedly has it tidy? Me?
WALDEBERT WERFELBERG (again, paraphrasing the statement Durczok anachronistically):
"Comrade Mroczysławo, it is not come up with something good? You just have to say ... Moździerzowi that to arrange so that here, kuźwa, someone came and swept it. Or any other officer, who feels a responsibility to minimize the conditions under which local managers work of the Office of Security
Mroczysława not responding.
WALDEBERT WERFELBERG (by collecting the output):
"Meissen porcelain, or do not know what ..."
Director of the District Public Security Bureau in Młodzianowicach leaves the cabinet's deputy. A parody of the famous recordings with Kamil Durczokiem starring coming to an end.
MROCZYSŁAWA Kalinowska-WOJCIK (bearing in mind Werfelberga):
bossy guy, like tick-tick boom! Oh, I want to be in his place ... I want to be number one in młodzianowickiej secret police ... But how to achieve this goal, since Waldebert enjoys the support of the Provincial Public Security Bureau and has a horse's health? How to achieve this goal, since all indications are that it will rule for many years? (Pause) And anyway, is anachronistic, paraphrasing the words Moira Kelly no longer appeared in the "Professor Kuzniecowie and his works, "Natalia Julia Smith?
Female - aware that it does not receive an answer to your rhetorical questions - out of the room and closes the door. In the background plays the song "Happy Birthday" by The Birthday Massacre, which has nothing to do with the questions of "TragiFarsy 13", but has a nice melody.
END
Natalia Julia Smith,
23-24 January 2011,
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